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text | UN: meirenyu
[Yizhi is posting from a sock account because he's well aware that authorities come down hard on snooping around. He would encourage you to do the same, but that would be blowing his own cover, so it's gonna be up to you to figure that out.]
(ooc: feel free to threadjack and mingle around! I made this to facilitate infosharing/communication/theorizing among those investigating the Night Parade plot thread, and don't plan on replying to every thread as my character has little to share himself.)
Hey, does anyone know what's up with the blocked-off section in the parade route? The one along the Sutoku stretch.
(ooc: feel free to threadjack and mingle around! I made this to facilitate infosharing/communication/theorizing among those investigating the Night Parade plot thread, and don't plan on replying to every thread as my character has little to share himself.)
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Maybe he'll just let himself drift down the river and see how far he gets, that would be fun too. But he'd rather not have anyone making a grab for his butt jewel, so...]
Yeah, of course not.
[Hah, Dazai likes you already, kind stranger.]
It for sure wouldn't be worth getting in trouble over. Doubt any of us got that kind of luxury.
So what's your deadline for the lunch money collection? I'm up to contribute.
[He will not contribute a yen, but he would absolutely use the opportunity to see if he can sneak in.]
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I’m in the area on most days. Perhaps I’ll go to admire the river tomorrow on my lunch break.
[He'll actually be quite put out when Dazai refuses to split the cost of the big bowl of udon Yizhi wants to spill on the kappa guards. But we'll cross that bridge when we get to it!]no subject
Whatever that means in hell, but, yanno...]
It's a hell of a nice view there. No pun intended.
[Yeaaah, Dazai is already bored with using someone else's "voice" for this sock account. His patience is limited, shhh.]
Cucumbers are a good, healthy lunch to be enjoying in a place like that.
[And also a kappa favorite, supposedly. More important to Dazai's point here, however, is that someone walking around with a cucumber should be easy enough for him to spot, making it easy to meet up without sharing personal details.
Look, they're doing nothing wrong whatsoever! But Dazai is still not going to be the one walking around with a figurative red carnation, or whatever (not so) subtle symbol of recognition might be fashionable in hell. He'll let his new friend take that risk, especially if Dazai is going to be the one risking the actual snooping.
The fact that he's basically forcing the other to buy lunch for the kappas ahead of time so that he doesn't have to contribute anything himself is just a silver lining.]
-> action
Cucumbers are good.
[For the skin. But they’re good eating, too, so Yizhi doesn’t think too much into the choice of signal. The next day he buys an extra cup of cucumber salad with his meal, and sits on a bench by the riverside to eat. He’s not foolish enough to walk around town with a raw vegetable in his hand either. This seems fair to him.If Dazai manages to identify Yizhi, he’ll see a young man with long hair and flowing robes, seated with perfect posture by the river. But he’ll have to act fast if he doesn’t want to buy the kappas lunch, because the fact that the signal could also double as a kappa bribe hasn’t been communicated to Yizhi at all, and Yizhi is just eating it himself.]
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Well then, that is definitely not what Dazai was expecting - which is at least 50% on himself, but it is what it is. Staying in shadows and out of sight as he studies the crowd in the agreed upon location at lunchtime, at first he thinks that the other person simply didn't take the bait. That's fine, really: it's a shame, and it will now be extra unwise for Dazai to see if I can't find out what the kappas are up to, but there's nothing truly lost in the end: he's got nothing but guesswork to go on, and really, even if the kappas want to enact a bloody power coup or something, why should Dazai care? ... Apart from the fact that it's technically his job, that is.
The young man with flowing robes is an outlier in the scenery, though - less for the long hair and flowing robes as such, and more because of... a combination of that and his body language? - which is enough for Dazai to take a closer look. Too late to save all the cucumber salad for the kappas, though... Oh, well. Who knows if they like their cukes salad'ed, anyway?]
My, what a healthy lunch~
omg that pun is so funny
Or in the words of his father- why bother with someone who hasn’t proven that they’re a worthy investment? He wasn’t going to get any proof of value waffling around on the network. Might as well half-ass something and see what Mr. Black Sheep brings to the table. They’re agreed on one point, at the very least: if it all falls through, it’s no big loss.
Yizhi bows his head politely at the other man’s approach.]
Yes- a nice meal and an admirable view of the river, I can almost forget this is Hell! [It’s a repeat of the phrasing he’d used in text- I'll go admire the river.] Someone mentioned cucumbers to me the other day and I had a craving for it.
So what brings you here, sir?
(ooc: the "chinese proverb" reads Listen, my Chinese is Not Great, please just pretend this is a cool proverb/idiom because all the ones I know are probably at the 5-yo reading level)
it's terrible but so am i so i will roll around in it like a dog in something suspicious tbh
[That's close enough to convince Dazai he's probably got the right man, and clumsy enough that he's not too worried about this being a trap of some sort. (Not that there's any reason to assume a trap anyway, but you never know.)]
Just exploring the neighborhood a little. Nothing baaaad, I promise~
[
OMG somebody stop him, please...Why yes, that was a hint at his username, after a mention of their plans. Such a subtle hint, too. Truly, he is every bit the tactical genius people keep saying he is. (Listen, it's hard to keep life interesting when you're intelligent! Sometimes you need to dumb it up on purpose.)Dazai takes a seat next to Yizhi, because standing around is only going to attract more attention.]
Cucumbers are indeed a fine food. They're a particular kappa favorite, you know.
[Clearly not, otherwise Yizhi wouldn't be eating their bribe, but it's worth dropping that hint that Dazai is indeed the person from the network, as well as (somewhat belatedly) pointing out why he mentioned cucumbers in the first place. For what it's worth: Dazai doesn't seem too worried about the (temporary) failure of their plan. He's just lounging around, looking out over the river.]
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[Dude WHAT is coming out of your mouth right now, mister
Yizhi just stares, furrowing his brows slightly. The subtle hint at Dazai’s username is mostly lost in the flamboyance of its delivery. But he doesn’t really care if this isn’t the “right” guy, because co-conspirators at this point are all interchangeable. He’s already decided to work with whoever talks him up first, as long as the person seems reliable. Which… this man’s reliability is a bit suspect. Hopefully it will improve with time.
Dazai is interesting, Yizhi’ll give him that.]
Do you think if we got some from the markets we could loosen their tongues?
[He nods in the direction of the kappa barricade. Might as well start talking business and see what they come up with.]
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[How dare you impugn his honor, Sir?!?! Dazai is extremely reliable! He can always be counted on to let you down.
But not, admittedly, when it comes to things that matter, and preventing a potentially dangerous situation definitely counts as one of those. If there aren't all that many more things that matter, well... you can't blame the man for having his priorities straight.
Dazai looks over at Yizhi, smiling conspiratorially. Quick(ish) on the uptake! He likes that.]
It couldn't hurt. At the very least, it should hold their attention for a while.
[And then Dazai can sneak in and take a look around, hopefully. It's worth a shot! But there are still ways to improve even such a simple plan a little, he thinks. Looking out over the river again, his expression is kind of blank, but in spite of the impression that that may give, his brain is working.]
Say there are three kappas, and we bring only two cucumbers to give them...
That should lead to some interesting conversations, shouldn't it?
[Yes, Dazai is absolutely hoping they'll fight among themselves instead of just, you know, cutting the damn cucumbers. Is that realistic? Possibly! He doesn't really know kappas beyond their legends, but if they're anything like humans, that is absolutely what would happen.]
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[Yizhi’s own smile is gentle. Of course he’s quick; he’s here to hustle, baby.]
Yeah, that sounds like it’ll lead to something interesting. A kappa-cucumber thought experiment.
[Now try saying that three times fast! It's not a bad plan, actually. Especially if there are actually three kappas on shift right now, as there was last time Yizhi wandered around the area. 2/3 is a weird fraction to portion. Dazai and Yizhi are not so different - Yizhi's own expression has been politely neutral through most of the conversation, with no indication that he's had any machinations going on in his pretty little head. There are machinations though. Who knows how many, but he wouldn't be escalating so purposefully if he didn't know what he was doing.]
[Yizhi replaces the lid on his convenience-store bento with an audible ‘pop’, and stands up.] Let’s try it out. I know a vegetable stand nearby.
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That's it exactly! [Kappa-cucumber thought experiment! Woohoo!!] We must get to know and understand our youkai compatriots, after all.
[With a flamboyant gesture, Dazai turns to follow Yizhi. It's so enthusiastic that anyone witnessing might just think Dazai is the one leading the way.]
Soon, our names will be listed alongside the likes of Pavlov and Watson!
[... That is definitely not a good thing, in addition to incredibly disrespectful to youkai, but.... what the youkai don't know can't hurt them, probably. More importantly: what the youkai don't know can't make them want to hurt Dazai and Yizhi.
Also maybe Dazai is halfway asking for Yizhi's name, but he's not planning to push it. Besides, now that he knows what Yizhi looks like, things shouldn't be hard to find out, if Dazai really cares to.
He's in a good mood, actually! So maybe he'll even pay his share of the cucumbers, like a halfway decent person would. For science~!]
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He could genuinely just be weird, though. Yizhi can’t assume he’s acting. But the vibe check results are in and this man doesn’t seem incompetent...?]
[As he walks:] Pavlov and Watson? My apologies, but those are not well known names where I come from.
[Too bad, Yizhi is asking Dazai to say it.]
Speaking of names, I apologise as well for forgetting to ask for yours.
[He doesn’t sound sorry when he says it. It’s just the overformal way of speaking in his world, which he's not ditching for a stranger he's meeting from the internet. Even if it's almost turning into a straight-man-funny-man routine with Dazai next to him.]
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No need to worry about it, no need to worry about it~!
[... Welp, him volunteering such a thing is definitely a sign that it is something worth worrying about. But Dazai can't be bothered explaining conditioning in great detail. Besides, he doesn't especially like dogs, so the less he needs to mention those, the better.]
It's common politeness to offer your own first, you know. [But Dazai says it with a knowing smile. Maybe he's wrong about the question being deliberate, but even on the off chance it isn't, it's hard to alienate people with a smile. Either way, he doesn't wait, happy enough to offer his own name first.] I'm Dazai Osamu. And you are..?
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Oh, you’re right. My bad, my bad. My name is Gao Yizhi. [a polite nod of the head, since Dazai had not initiated a bow-off and it’s honestly hard to do that when you’re walking.] Pleased to make your acquaintance.
[The calmness with which Yizhi acknowledges his fault might confirm Dazai’s suspicions. Giving one’s name at the start of an introduction is the one social more Yizhi’s been neglecting- because often, there are no formal “introductions”, and more often than that he just doesn’t want to be introduced. If Hell wishes to strip him of his privilege and family name he will damn well enjoy the perks of it. But his companion shouldn’t take any offense, because this sort of boundary-testing is part and parcel of a new working relationship. Yizhi doesn’t push the secrecy behind “Pavlov and Watson”, and offers his name freely now that he knows Dazai will meet him halfway on it.
The vegetable stand is only the next block over; once it comes into view, Yizhi points it out and quickens his pace towards the elderly-looking yokai manning the stall. He offers a greeting when they get close:]
Good afternoon, aunty.
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You get no bows for sneakily avoiding giving your name (for a moment there), young man! Also, Dazai figures he's a bit older than Yizhi, even though the old-timey style makes it harder than usual to be sure: he can get away without excess politeness unless he's feeling like messing around with it, probably.]
A pleasure to meet you too, Gao-kun.
[Chinese indeed, then, or something close enough. More relevant to Dazai is that he's thinking the onomatopoeia, and imagining Yizhi as Growl-kun.
But this isn't the time to dwell on that, when they have work to do - and as much as Dazai dislikes work, he's a little interested to see how this will go. When they get to the vegetable stand, he feigns shock, grabbing for his chest rather dramatically, and generally making as if Cupid took a detour through hell just to shoot him.]
What do mine eyes see? Never did I expect to find so unique a lady working in so commonplace a location.
[Yeah, he's absolutely trying to get a discount, since he has halfway committed to paying his share. Shameless, indeed. But he's not technically lying!
... So far, anyway.]
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Yizhi will accept the lack of decorum for his “folly”; he doesn’t care too much about other people’s informality, they’re in Hell and there are plenty of bigger worries. But shamelessness is another matter, and when Dazai clutches his heart like a man on an opera stage there’s a moment when Yizhi looks so disappointed about everything. Dazai, truly, is a 大灾.
The vegetable seller doesn’t notice, buying into Dazai’s act enough to offer the man a gap-toothed grin and a jab about what a handsome charmer is doing here at her stall. By the end of it, Yizhi has stepped up to the other side of her with his gentle smile refreshed.]
I was telling my friend that you won’t find fresher vegetables anywhere else on this side of the Sanzu River, and he wouldn’t believe me. Now look at him, he must’ve changed his mind.
[A boring good boy he may (appear to) be, but never say he’s too decorous to help.]
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IT IS TRUE, DAZAI IS THE BIGGEST 大灾!! What if Odasaku knew Chinese and was punning?! (Then again, what if he was simply right on every single level possible?)
Meanwhile Dazai's actual name is even more fitting if you go with the Chinese meaning of the characters, holy shit... Who needs "ruling" when you can be "slaughtering livestock" or "cheating customers" instead?]Now, now... Had I known that the lady was this lovely, I could never have doubted the quality of her wares. After all, a discerning eye in one field tends to mean a discerning eye in another.
Milady, I am in the mood to throw some friends a cucumber party. [What the jigoku is a cucumber party....] Perhaps we could get a sample?
[... Is he seriously trying to just not pay?! What a terrible excuse for a human being. But then, life is no fun if you don't push things a bit, surely? Success is too easy.]
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Oh, you’re just buttering me up for a steep discount, is it? This handsome man is also a rascal! Cucumbers go for 105yen apiece!
[Yizhi frowns - not even at “cucumber party”, which is indeed the most godawful excuse he’s seen in a while - but because he’s unsure whether to join Dazai in pushing it. He doesn’t really know another produce seller around here? So if this one throws them out, they’re kind of toast?
See, the thing is, sure; no hate on Dazai for not being beefy, you can’t win them all. But Yizhi is smart and handsome enough for himself, so you’re not getting any brownie points is all.]
That’s a bit steep…
It’s not easy carting vegetables into the city, lad!