text | UN: meirenyu

[baofeng]

[Yizhi is posting from a sock account because he's well aware that authorities come down hard on snooping around. He would encourage you to do the same, but that would be blowing his own cover, so it's gonna be up to you to figure that out.]

Hey, does anyone know what's up with the blocked-off section in the parade route? The one along the Sutoku stretch.

(ooc: feel free to threadjack and mingle around! I made this to facilitate infosharing/communication/theorizing among those investigating the Night Parade plot thread, and don't plan on replying to every thread as my character has little to share himself.)

Comments

[diesuki]

(OOC: Braver or stupider? That is the question. But bad puns are like 90% of my reason to learn languages, so I'm pleased it worked. 💛)

[How dare you impugn his honor, Sir?!?! Dazai is extremely reliable! He can always be counted on to let you down.

But not, admittedly, when it comes to things that matter, and preventing a potentially dangerous situation definitely counts as one of those. If there aren't all that many more things that matter, well... you can't blame the man for having his priorities straight.

Dazai looks over at Yizhi, smiling conspiratorially. Quick(ish) on the uptake! He likes that.]

It couldn't hurt. At the very least, it should hold their attention for a while.

[And then Dazai can sneak in and take a look around, hopefully. It's worth a shot! But there are still ways to improve even such a simple plan a little, he thinks. Looking out over the river again, his expression is kind of blank, but in spite of the impression that that may give, his brain is working.]

Say there are three kappas, and we bring only two cucumbers to give them...

That should lead to some interesting conversations, shouldn't it?

[Yes, Dazai is absolutely hoping they'll fight among themselves instead of just, you know, cutting the damn cucumbers. Is that realistic? Possibly! He doesn't really know kappas beyond their legends, but if they're anything like humans, that is absolutely what would happen.]

[baofeng]

(OOC: Haha! But in all seriousness, it's great to see someone learn the language. All the best with your language learning!)

[Yizhi’s own smile is gentle. Of course he’s quick; he’s here to hustle, baby.]

Yeah, that sounds like it’ll lead to something interesting. A kappa-cucumber thought experiment.

[Now try saying that three times fast! It's not a bad plan, actually. Especially if there are actually three kappas on shift right now, as there was last time Yizhi wandered around the area. 2/3 is a weird fraction to portion. Dazai and Yizhi are not so different - Yizhi's own expression has been politely neutral through most of the conversation, with no indication that he's had any machinations going on in his pretty little head. There are machinations though. Who knows how many, but he wouldn't be escalating so purposefully if he didn't know what he was doing.]

[Yizhi replaces the lid on his convenience-store bento with an audible ‘pop’, and stands up.] Let’s try it out. I know a vegetable stand nearby.

[diesuki]

(OOC: thank you so much! I really don't have enough time to make progress worth mentioning, but I have fun dicking around with it anyway, and that is... something!)

That's it exactly! [Kappa-cucumber thought experiment! Woohoo!!] We must get to know and understand our youkai compatriots, after all.

[With a flamboyant gesture, Dazai turns to follow Yizhi. It's so enthusiastic that anyone witnessing might just think Dazai is the one leading the way.]

Soon, our names will be listed alongside the likes of Pavlov and Watson!

[... That is definitely not a good thing, in addition to incredibly disrespectful to youkai, but.... what the youkai don't know can't hurt them, probably. More importantly: what the youkai don't know can't make them want to hurt Dazai and Yizhi.

Also maybe Dazai is halfway asking for Yizhi's name, but he's not planning to push it. Besides, now that he knows what Yizhi looks like, things shouldn't be hard to find out, if Dazai really cares to.

He's in a good mood, actually! So maybe he'll even pay his share of the cucumbers, like a halfway decent person would. For science~!]

[baofeng]

[Yizhi leans subtly away, his eyes following Dazai’s arms in case one of them gets on a collision path with his face. Dazai’s gesture does not end up thwacking him. It might not have been coincidence- the flourish reminds him of the Drunken Fist fighting style, carrying the appearance of drunkenness while being far from it in truth. And Dazai certainly acts like a tipsy man by ancient Chinese standards.

He could genuinely just be weird, though. Yizhi can’t assume he’s acting. But the vibe check results are in and this man doesn’t seem incompetent...?]

[As he walks:] Pavlov and Watson? My apologies, but those are not well known names where I come from.

[Too bad, Yizhi is asking Dazai to say it.]

Speaking of names, I apologise as well for forgetting to ask for yours.

[He doesn’t sound sorry when he says it. It’s just the overformal way of speaking in his world, which he's not ditching for a stranger he's meeting from the internet. Even if it's almost turning into a straight-man-funny-man routine with Dazai next to him.]

[diesuki]

[How dare you suggest Dazai is tipsy, good Sir!? He hasn't drunk a drop, as it happens (which is a shame), and even if he had, he's pretty damn hard to get drunk (which is... also a shame in some ways, less so in others).]

No need to worry about it, no need to worry about it~!

[... Welp, him volunteering such a thing is definitely a sign that it is something worth worrying about. But Dazai can't be bothered explaining conditioning in great detail. Besides, he doesn't especially like dogs, so the less he needs to mention those, the better.]

It's common politeness to offer your own first, you know. [But Dazai says it with a knowing smile. Maybe he's wrong about the question being deliberate, but even on the off chance it isn't, it's hard to alienate people with a smile. Either way, he doesn't wait, happy enough to offer his own name first.] I'm Dazai Osamu. And you are..?

[baofeng]

[He wasn’t thinking literally, he was implying that Dazai is being a bit shameless by Huaxia standards. Which feels like it would be a badge of honor for a man like that instead of an insult. But Yizhi has a solution for unwanted sobriety too, if Dazai is inclined. He’s from Tamamo after all!]

Oh, you’re right. My bad, my bad. My name is Gao Yizhi. [a polite nod of the head, since Dazai had not initiated a bow-off and it’s honestly hard to do that when you’re walking.] Pleased to make your acquaintance.

[The calmness with which Yizhi acknowledges his fault might confirm Dazai’s suspicions. Giving one’s name at the start of an introduction is the one social more Yizhi’s been neglecting- because often, there are no formal “introductions”, and more often than that he just doesn’t want to be introduced. If Hell wishes to strip him of his privilege and family name he will damn well enjoy the perks of it. But his companion shouldn’t take any offense, because this sort of boundary-testing is part and parcel of a new working relationship. Yizhi doesn’t push the secrecy behind “Pavlov and Watson”, and offers his name freely now that he knows Dazai will meet him halfway on it.

The vegetable stand is only the next block over; once it comes into view, Yizhi points it out and quickens his pace towards the elderly-looking yokai manning the stall. He offers a greeting when they get close:]

Good afternoon, aunty.

[diesuki]

[One day, hell should have its very own Shamelessness Olympics, and Dazai would win all the gold medals. (Well... maybe 90% of them, anyway.)

You get no bows for sneakily avoiding giving your name (for a moment there), young man! Also, Dazai figures he's a bit older than Yizhi, even though the old-timey style makes it harder than usual to be sure: he can get away without excess politeness unless he's feeling like messing around with it, probably.]

A pleasure to meet you too, Gao-kun.

[Chinese indeed, then, or something close enough. More relevant to Dazai is that he's thinking the onomatopoeia, and imagining Yizhi as Growl-kun.

But this isn't the time to dwell on that, when they have work to do - and as much as Dazai dislikes work, he's a little interested to see how this will go. When they get to the vegetable stand, he feigns shock, grabbing for his chest rather dramatically, and generally making as if Cupid took a detour through hell just to shoot him.]

What do mine eyes see? Never did I expect to find so unique a lady working in so commonplace a location.

[Yeah, he's absolutely trying to get a discount, since he has halfway committed to paying his share. Shameless, indeed. But he's not technically lying!
... So far, anyway.]

[baofeng]

[He will not growl at Dazai. He has better manners than that, unless he is in the bedroom, and Dazai is not his type.

Yizhi will accept the lack of decorum for his “folly”; he doesn’t care too much about other people’s informality, they’re in Hell and there are plenty of bigger worries. But shamelessness is another matter, and when Dazai clutches his heart like a man on an opera stage there’s a moment when Yizhi looks so disappointed about everything. Dazai, truly, is a 大灾.

The vegetable seller doesn’t notice, buying into Dazai’s act enough to offer the man a gap-toothed grin and a jab about what a handsome charmer is doing here at her stall. By the end of it, Yizhi has stepped up to the other side of her with his gentle smile refreshed.]

I was telling my friend that you won’t find fresher vegetables anywhere else on this side of the Sanzu River, and he wouldn’t believe me. Now look at him, he must’ve changed his mind.

[A boring good boy he may (appear to) be, but never say he’s too decorous to help.]

[diesuki]

[It's true, Dazai is sadly lacking in the beef department. All his energy goes to his brain, not his body. Don't hate him for being smart and beautiful!!

IT IS TRUE, DAZAI IS THE BIGGEST 大灾!! What if Odasaku knew Chinese and was punning?! (Then again, what if he was simply right on every single level possible?) Meanwhile Dazai's actual name is even more fitting if you go with the Chinese meaning of the characters, holy shit... Who needs "ruling" when you can be "slaughtering livestock" or "cheating customers" instead?]

Now, now... Had I known that the lady was this lovely, I could never have doubted the quality of her wares. After all, a discerning eye in one field tends to mean a discerning eye in another.

Milady, I am in the mood to throw some friends a cucumber party. [What the jigoku is a cucumber party....] Perhaps we could get a sample?

[... Is he seriously trying to just not pay?! What a terrible excuse for a human being. But then, life is no fun if you don't push things a bit, surely? Success is too easy.]

[baofeng]

[Market-stall sellers are seasoned to this kind of haggling. The youkai cackles-]

Oh, you’re just buttering me up for a steep discount, is it? This handsome man is also a rascal! Cucumbers go for 105yen apiece!

[Yizhi frowns - not even at “cucumber party”, which is indeed the most godawful excuse he’s seen in a while - but because he’s unsure whether to join Dazai in pushing it. He doesn’t really know another produce seller around here? So if this one throws them out, they’re kind of toast?

See, the thing is, sure; no hate on Dazai for not being beefy, you can’t win them all. But Yizhi is smart and handsome enough for himself, so you’re not getting any brownie points is all.]

That’s a bit steep…

It’s not easy carting vegetables into the city, lad!